The most damaging thing a person can do to sabotage a relationship is to pretend to be someone they are not. The reason it is so damaging is because it dooms the relationship from the beginning. And depending on how long a person can masquerade, whether it’s a few months or many years, can have devastating consequences for both parties, especially the one being misled.
The “pretender” will conform to the likes and dislikes of the person they are trying to win over. That in itself shows the lack of integrity, lack of morals and the low self esteem that lives in the pretender. A person should never be a “prize” that another person feels the need to “win” over.
Whether or not the pretender sets out to intentionally mislead their potential partner is never really clear. Since they will most always deny any allegations that they have not been 100% honest, it is tough to distinguish the true pretenders from the ones that are just plain naive to any false pretenses on their part.
Why does a person feel the need live a life that is anything but honest and true? Does the simplicity of their mind lead them to believe that they need to live a lie in order to make the other person happy? Or are they simply so desperate to not be alone, that they will do just about anything to make the other person think that they are more compatible than they really are? Maybe they truly are so unhappy with their true selves, that they actually prefer to be someone else? Do they not realize that their disguise is bound to fall off eventually?
Whatever the reason, the outcome is never very pretty.
And is this really fair? Is it fair that one person believes they have finally met their life partner only to learn 1, 2, 5, 10 years down the road that they couldn’t be any less comparable?
Remember the devastating consequences I spoke of earlier? And how sad that many of these relationships also involve children and/or other family members that come to love the pretender, only to be ripped apart when the doomed relationship finally does fall apart.
The time spent with the pretender was wasted time that could have been spent with someone that was genuine and true. Someone they had a real spiritual connection with and someone that had enough respect for the other person to be themselves and allow themselves the chance to fall in love with each other just the way they are. Isn’t that what true love is? Two people that come together and whether or not they share the same passions, have the opportunity to decide if this is the person they wish to spend the rest of their lives with.
Do you have an experience with a pretender that you would like to share? Please comment below your thoughts. 🙂