A Little Confused

Not sure how I feel.. My son is in trouble and here I am having to resort to legal aid. I feel as though I put a man ahead of my children.  Last year when he was in his legal mess, we quickly hired an attorney . I helped to pay for it.. but now my son needs the same help and I’ve exhausted all my saved funds.  My son is innocent, he was not. And then there is the fact that he has not even offered to help. Not even a dollar. I’m left to wonder what kind of mother am I.

He does help out when he can. He has had a hard time with with disability.  But even so, he makes 5-6 times what I make in a year. I still help pay the bills. I pay about 50% of the household bills. Thing is, that’s 100% of my money. I don’t ask him for money.  He doesn’t pay for the kids school activities.  I have not a clue where his money goes. It leaves me bitter. His ex wife didn’t even work and yet she had her nails and hair done regularly. I haven’t had my nails done in 5 years because I can’t afford it.

I’m proud to be independent though. One day I will be in a position that I can do what I want, when I want,  where I want and how I want, without any regard to money. And it will be my money.

Something has to give. I feel a breakthrough. Right now I am going to leave it to God and remember thy will be done…. that is all I can do. That is all I am able to do. I surrender it all and leave it in God’s hands.