It's the thought that counts...

Hello?

Is anyone here?

No?

Sad.

So, if you haven't noticed I'm working again which means this place is neglected. I mean, normally if I am "working" that means more time for blogging but being a consultant means if I'm working, I'm billing hours which really means no blogging.

Plus, I wasn't hired because there is nothing to do. The exact freaking opposite, in fact. I feel like even if I work 12 hour days for the next month I still won't have a handle on this mess. In reality, though, everyone seems to be relieved to have me. My second day on the job I had the angriest people dropped right into my lap. So, of course, the people who can now do that are more than relieved, they are thrilled. I mean, who wouldn't be relieved to just push off crazy lunatic mad as hell people off on someone else? Man, I know if I were on the other end I'd be glad to have me too.

But, at the end of the day, and man have they been long, this job will allow me to stay home when it's over and that is worth it. And, seriously, angry people suck but when you are the one who solves all their problems and makes them happy it is actually very rewarding work. Not to mention the pay is freaking ridiculous for little more than admin work.

So, that's where I've been. The wolves have chewed me up, spit me out and I'm over here just licking my wounds. And, cleaning up this wreck of a house.

Because, did you know that my niece is leaving for Boarding school next week?

Of course you didn't.

Well, she is. And, I seriously couldn't be happier for her. So, when she got accepted I told her I wanted to throw her a party.

PAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRTAAAAAAAAY!

Because, I love to party. And, I love having people over despite having to clean my filth.

But, when I made the plans for her party I wasn't working.

Now, I'm working. The house is a mess. It's going to be 100 degrees today. We have no AC because, hello, this is SEATTLE. The pool is green with algae. The grass is overgrown. In summary, I have a lot to do but no energy to do it.

I guess, I can just tell my guests to ignore the underwear that is draping the coffee maker and that the junk mail actually acts a protectant for my counter top.

Now, excuse me while I go refill my coffee and worry some more about the state of my house whilst doing absolutely nothing about it.

After all, isn't it the thought that counts?

I got caught...

...with my panties down.

I missed my entire SITS day!

The whole freaking thing.

It boils down to the fact that I'm an idiot.

Who just started full-time work again last week.

Who also forgot that little email sweet Heather sent me on Sunday.

I mean, ladies, how does one actually forget her SITS day?

I mean, for me, it's as close to Oprah as I'll ever get. I would have been couch jumping and everything whilst watching over 500 comments roll in on my dainty little site.

I cannot stay THANK YOU enough!

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU TANKYOU TOOTOTO!

Here let's make-out make up!

Dear SITS Sista's and Regular Readers,

I love you!

I also love your comments, each and every single one of them have been read. And, can I just say, you are all far wittier than me. I mean, seriously, I've been rolling on the floor laughing my pole dancing hiney off. Not really on the pole dancing part. I mean, have you seen the size of my thighs lately? Well, if you saw them you'd agree it's probably best to stay firmly planted on the ground because someone could get hurt. Mainly the children. Point, I had a point.

Right, thank you for reading and caressing my inbox with little tiny gems that I have finally gotten to AFTER my SITS day. I mean, seriously, who forgets? Who? Me, I guess. 3 weeks ago this blog was my only connection to the outside world and now I can't even find remember my password to log on. Funny how things change.

Anyway, thanks again!

MWAHHH!

Sincerely,

One Crazy Chick

Uncertainty

(WARNING: This post is like a fart in a frying pan. Bear with me. Not, Bare with me. I mean, we don't want you naked.)

So, I can't seem to get over it.

Life is supposed to go the way I plan. Hello, Life? Get the memo! Okay, so I totally didn't plan to get laid off. And, I certainly didn't plan to get laid off only to get work again but this time be able to work from home. But, what choice did I have?

For what it's worth I embraced my new plan. I like plans. I think plans shouldn't change. And they sure as shit shouldn't change 4 times in as many months.

The plan was that I was supposed to work from home...part time. Figuring my work could, for the most part, be done at night. Leaving the rest of the day for things. Things that would make both me and my children happy and well rounded. Things like swimming...gymnastics...the park. Things that have already been paid for. Things that my son was looking forward to.

The whole working part of the scenario was supposed to be squeezed into my life, not end up dictating it.

It was most certainly not supposed to go from not working one day to putting in 10 hours the next.

I have kids. They have needs. We have no childcare.

The economy sucks.

And, I can't turn it down...especially if it's only a few weeks.

In a few weeks I can return to normal.

Only that's the thing.

If this can happen now, who is to say it won't continue to happen? That there won't be another company in desperation next month? That I actually just traded in my perfectly predictable life for one that can get shaken up at any minute.

In turn, trading predictability for turmoil.

If I continue to turn my life upside down on a regular basis will that cause my children to think that is normal?

Of course, I can say no. But, with no comes no work. You get pushed down the queue and next time they'll use your replacement.

It's a slippery slope.

I want to say it'll be just this once. But, I know better. I know I can't say no. I know I'll beat myself up either way.

It's only money.

The root of all evil.

Why can't I just give the checker my homemade soaps in return for some Tri-tip steaks? Or, trade the farmer some plumbing for an entire cow?

Let's just cut out the middle-man and barter, shall we?

Okay, so, maybe not.

(Why am I suddenly compelled to have me some Bartles & James on a porch and whittle wood?)

I'm mourning.

Yesterday, my life was settling. The glass was starting to become clear. Now? 24 short hours later. It's cloudy. Uncertain.

And, I hate uncertainty.

It Never Fails...

I've finally settled into a routine.

I have relaxed.

It's taken weeks to realize that I no longer work and the pace of my life should more closely resemble someone actually enjoying their life than one who rushes and rushes until life is no fun.

Weeks after starting this whole staying at home thing I feel like I've found my groove. A touch of structure with lots and lots of fun thrown in.

Last night I got an email from my boss.

Our client is desperate. (Can they ever come to us before desperation is about to swallow them whole?)

They need me.

It's an offer I can't refuse.

But, shit.

Daycare?

Swimming?

Camp?

...we had plans...

Ya know, it never fails. You get comfortable and then BAM! POW! BANG! BOOM! Life throws you another curve ball.

I am NOT complaining.

It's just that...we had plans.

It's supposed to last 4-6 weeks. The last time they said that it was 7 months. 7 months, people.

I'm going to pull myself together and find a temporary solution in regards to my non-existent childcare situation. But, I'm going to plan on it being 4-6 weeks because I have plans. Lots of them. They include swimming and gymnastics and the playground, yeah the one I hate because damn it I will learn to love it and the mothers who reside there if it kills me.

Seriously, WTF?

Why does it have to be a roller coaster?

No. Whhhhhhhhhhhhy?

OK. Done.

Iron

It's true, over the weekend Bob & I celebrated 6 years of marriage.

It's funny because in the grand scheme of things all the anniversaries after number 1 just sort of commingle and fade into the distance. Sure, I love my husband. Sure, I think celebrating our marriage is important. But, it's just that our marriage has been easy. For the most part.

The first year was hard. I have never told anyone this, well, except for a few friends. While planning my wedding people constantly asked if I had the jitters. The answer was always, no. I mean, sure, a little omg I can't believe this is happening to me but aside from that marrying Bob was pretty much the only thing I have ever been certain of in my entire life.

But, once we were married I freaked. Yes, after the I do's. About a month after to be exact, which, as it turns out, was approximately a week after resuming normal life. It wasn't like I woke up one day ready to get a divorce. No, it slowly crept into my subconscious and started showing up in ways I wasn't even aware of. Suddenly, I was more interested in meeting co-workers after work for drinks then heading home.

Slowly it progressed from staying for happy hour to staying for dinner. I'd arrive home and wonder why Bob was so upset. We'd fight. I'd feel misunderstood and he was left confused. Confused because I have never been a girl who enjoys the bar and now, suddenly after 4 years I was choosing the bar over him. In my mind, I was visiting friends and enjoying my time after work. But, the truth is I was uncomfortable with my new role - I was avoiding him.

In my mind my role as Bob's partner changed. Although, it really didn't. It took a while for me to finally see that. To see that I was pushing my husband away because I was scared. See, in the immediate months following our marriage 4 very close family members started divorce proceedings. In my mind I just figured we ought to give up now because obviously divorce was now imminent and we should just save ourselves the trouble.

With lots patience and love we got through it. But, it was hard. It was hard to look deep and solve the problem instead of avoiding it. Avoiding it is always easier. Feelings get hurt easily and pride is a monster. But, in the end our marriage is better for having been through that first year. And, honestly it makes all the others seem easy.

Happy Anniversary, Bob! According to those gift charts on Google 6 years of marriage should be celebrated with gifts made from Iron. That steak we ate had Iron in it.

Two.

Today my baby turns two.

I tried to find a more flattering picture but, the truth is, this is her.

She is a tough girl with a flare for the dramatic.

She loves her motorcycle and her babies as long as all eyes are on her.

My do it, she reminds me.

Happy birthday big girl!

The Stripper Pole: Use No. 27

Quit turning your head.

I see you with your head all cocked to one side.

Straighten up!

Why my husband turned the camera mid-way I'll never know. But, go on. Watch it again and tell me you can watch without turning your head.

So, human 3-year-old or monkey?

Come play, it's Friday Foto Finish Fiesta! You know how I love me a Fiesta!